I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
