i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
