YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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