I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
