found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
