Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
