My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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