2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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