my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
