Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
