The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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