M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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