I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
