I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
