Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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