Betty ford says i'm here all night
no you cant smoke seaweed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
