i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
