well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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