It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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