I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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