I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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