I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
