sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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