cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
