That's intense
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
