She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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