i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
