I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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