it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
