So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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