I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
