Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
