he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry about my life...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
