So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
