it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
