Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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