too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
