I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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