Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
