HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
