yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
