I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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