I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
