I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
