so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
