Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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