Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
