the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
where does the pee come out of this thing
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
