I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
