Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
