Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
