I bet he comes in French.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
