I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
