why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
